You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
