She is in my trunk
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
