I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
