We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
