I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've blown a few things in my day
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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