I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
