You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
