you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
is that a dick in a sweater?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
