I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ketchup is God's man juice
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
