i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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