I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
