No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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