It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
