It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
