Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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