i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
