Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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