I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
