I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
