were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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