i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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