I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
