i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
