this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
