he told me I talked like a deaf person
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
