Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize