I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
