Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
