You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
