Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
