her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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