Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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