We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
