Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
