why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
