I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
