your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
