Screwed.edu
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
