she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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