Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
