it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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