FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
