She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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