I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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