Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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