If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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