The maid of honor just puked.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
