As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
