it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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