Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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