I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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