I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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