We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
