Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
