so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
