i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
