I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
