she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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