do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
