Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
