3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
