took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
