I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
