I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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