THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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