Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
