Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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