Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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