I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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