you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
