we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
