summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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