I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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