Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
