worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
