We're facebook friends in real life
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
