yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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