Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
