the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and she was petting her beer can
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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